Top 10 Video Game Movies That Need To Be Made Or: Hey, Baby, Wanna Sit On My Casting Couch?

No.3 Metal Gear Solid

Metal Gear Solid

The plot:

Too convoluted to explain in what little space I have. You’d need a dissertation to cover the labyrinthine story. In short: genetic copy of legendary soldier must stop underground conspiracy from silently taking over the world, which, more often than not, involves the use of walking, bipedal, nuclear capable tanks.

Why it could work:

Uh, did I mention the tank on legs?

Why it might not work:

Out of all the games on this list, this is undoubtedly the toughest sell. More likely to stop mid-game for a 30-minute long diatribe on nuclear proliferation, Metal Gear plotlines are heavy on the metaphysics and surprisingly light on the action. Yes, when the action does occur it’s big and loud and terribly exciting, but you have to trudge through an ungodly amount of talking heads to get there. Deciphering the game’s plot requires extensive knowledge of real world history, theoretical physics, politics, and global economics, not exactly something the average moviegoer wants to spend $20 on. Figuring out who the real bad guys in the story are isn’t usually decided until the credits roll… and even then you should expect an out-of-nowhere revelation in between the Best Boy and the Key grip. Reducing the plot to an acceptable two-hour length while keeping the action scenes intact is a nigh insurmountable task.

Who should be involved:

Might as well leave it in the capable hands of series headmaster Hideo Kojima. He’s steered the franchise from day one, I’m sure he’d relish a chance at directing the movie. As for the legendary Solid Snake? Fan speculation is all over the place, but I’d give Hugh Jackman a chance. He’s got the look, the necessary darkness and the physicality for the role.

Hugh Jackman as Solid Snake

The potential:

No idea. Take a wait-and-see approach.

King Hazard has a massive nerd boner for this next one…

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