Breaking: All Big 4 Bands Retire



This morning, in seperate press releases (available after the jump), the shocking news was revealed that all members of what’s commonly called the Big 4 have retired. Indeed, despite set tour engagements, demo versions of new songs, and new album talks, Megadeth, Metallica, Anthrax, and Slayer all have decided to call it quits.

Collectively, these bands are responsible for developing today’s heavy metal and certainly thrash metal. Like them or not, the heavy metal community owes these bands a debt of gratitude for all they’ve contributed. In a statement, Metallica drummer Lars Ulrich said, “It’s been a long ride, and after 30-plus years we’re tired. James’ voice is going, I’m missing beets, Kirk isn’t really committed, and Trujillo is Trujillo. We’ve taken a lot of shit from so-called fans through the years and we honestly don’t feel like we owe them anything more. Fans have stolen from us, questioned our artistic vision, and condemned anything we’ve done since *…Justice, we’re sick of it. Not all fans have been like this, and to those who haven’t, we thank you for your undying support.”

In a similar statement, Kirk added, “Yeah, you know, I’ve always been passionate about horror movies and just want to focus on promoting that. For me, personally, Metallica has run its course. I know I’m not the only one who wants to pursue outside interests.”

Forming in 1981, Metallica has been regarded as the most successful of the Big 4, and certainly the most successful heavy metal band of all time. Even so, there are legions of fans that prefer the other members of the Big 4. Some would say that the consistency found in Slayer outshines the rest, while Mustaine’s prowess on the fretboard is far superior to the musicianship of any of the others. Aside from Lars, Mustaine perhaps takes the most heat from the public… mostly being refered to as a pussy.

“I’m just glad it’s finally done. That contract I signed when Metallica threw me out has been the bane of my existence. I was pretty drunk when I signed it, and I regretted agreeing to bitch and moan about Metallica for this many years. It was actually Cliff’s idea to falsify this conflict and to make it so public. Do you know how degrading it is to grovel to inferior musicians, especially Lars. Obviously Metallica has benefitted from it more than I have, but seriously, how we played you all.”

Anthrax is probably the band that flies lowest on the radar of all the Big 4 members. Scott Ian only had this to say, “What am I going to do in retired life? Grow my fuckin’ beard! You know, without Mustaine there’d be no thrash.”

I won’t quote it here, because it’s too violent, but Slayer’s Tom Araya basically said he’s going to sit at home and make some Dead Skin Mask crafts. Guitarist Kerry King said he was going to pay Dave Lombardo all the money he’s owed, and Lombardo said he was either going to take PHILM all the way, making it bigger than all the Big 4 bands combined, or raise bunnies.

Get more quotes and read the official press releases after the jump…

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