Mass Effect 3 Review – Or: Don’t Cry, Be A Man, Hold It In… Aw Crap, I’m Crying…

Yell! Magazine’s review of Mass Effect 3:

It’s not often that a video game franchise can claim to have reached the end. Milking franchises till the teat runs dry is a popular business practice in the industry. As long as there’s a few more bucks to squeeze out of a brand name, publishers will keep shoving sequels out the door. It’s a rare event for a mega-franchise such as Mass Effect to be allowed to reach a proper conclusion. Granted, the game’s ending, which is already the ongoing subject of vast Internet moaning and the genesis behind several Facebook pages dedicated to persuading Bioware to release entirely different DLC-exclusive conclusions, does not preclude the possibility of further game’s set in the Mass Effect universe. However, Commander Shepard’s tale is indeed over.

Whether you’ve casually played the first two games in the series or devoured each one by playing both the Paragon and Renegade paths, Mass Effect 3 has something for everybody. Longtime fans will be richly rewarded for their loyalty. Newcomers will appreciate the game’s presentation but won’t be as moved by some of the series’ more emotional payoffs. Character deaths and the resolution of ongoing plots are tailor-made for true fans rather than casual observers. Your faithful reviewer is secure enough to admit he cried on two different occasions during his time with Mass Effect 3. Whoops, my inherent wussyness is showing. Quick! Gotta blurt out something epically manly!

Mass Effect 3 screenshot
My Shepard totally tapped dat ass! Then he made out with a Krogan. CUZ THAT’S HOW HE ROLLS!

Ok, now that I’ve managed to offend every single reader with an X chromosome… wait, we have female readers, right? The Evil Tormenting Bosses assured me writing for Yell! was a great way to meet chicks. Then again, they also promised me a paycheck and yet I’m still living out of the copy room, using the photocopier on an infinite print loop for warmth at night and sustaining myself with carbon paper fettuccine. ANYWAY! Here’s Yell! Magazine’s review of Mass Effect 3, available on PC, Xbox 360, and PlayStation 3. For review purposes, the PC version was used. For enhanced girly weeping during the sad parts, a Crazy Cat Lady-size tub of Rocky Road was used.

Read about the story of Mass Effect 3 after the jump…

Mass Effect 3 PC Cover Art
Yell! Rating (x/5 Skulls):
Published by:
Electronic Arts
Developed by:
Year Released:
March 6, 2012
Also Available On:
PlayStation 3, Xbox 360
Official URL:
Mass Effect 3 Official
Pages: 1 2 3 4

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