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The say “don’t judge a book by its cover,” but what about movies by their titles?
If you look at IMDB today, and take a gander at the list of movies opening this week, you’ll find films with titles like Elysium, Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters, We’re the Millers, Planes, Prince Avalanche, Chennai Express, Lovelace, In a World…, I Give It a Year, and Off Label. Besides Elysium, how many of those titles intrigue you? Yeah, because they sound boring as hell!
Now, let’s look at what Alfred Hitchcock did with his titles. The Man Who Knew Too Much, The Lady Vanishes, Rope, Strangers on a Train, Dial M for Murder, Rear Window, Vertigo, Psycho, and, last but not least, Frenzy all piqued our interest by their titles alone. Maybe it was Hitchcock’s reputation, but those titles were captivating and led the potential audience to ask questions: What did the man know? Where did she go? Did someone take her? What did the strangers do? What did he see out the window? Who’s psycho? etc.
True, Hitchcock’s titles were not nearly as expletive as the movie titles that follow, but you have to admit that Hitchcock knew how to draw you into his mad world. I think the following titles do the same. I’m not testifying to the quality of the movies that follow, but tell me I’m wrong that after reading just the titles that you don’t want to see them.
5. Don’t Fuck in the Woods
A group of friends are going on a camping trip to celebrate graduating college. But once they enter the woods, the proverbial shit starts to hit the fan!
4. Gangsters, Guns & Zombies
Q only really wants the quiet life but sometimes the only way to keep it quiet is to do what TONY tells him to do. Turn up, drive the van, drop the guys off and get a slice of the cake. Simple enough, right?
Wrong.
DANNY gets shot. The safe house is crawling with police. The van runs out of diesel. CRAZY STEVE ruins his shoes. MUSCLES and PAT just try and keep their heads down. Oh, and there’s a zombie apocalypse.
That’s why the guys find themselves holed up in a cottage in the middle of nowhere with a belligerent (but well-armed) GRANDMA and a beautiful but haunted CASSIE for company. Q’S falling in love. TONY’S losing his mind. And the zombies are getting hungry…
3. Dead Hooker in a Trunk
Set in beautiful Vancouver, four friends set out on an everyday errand and end up in a fight for their lives when they discover the body of a dead hooker left in their trunk. Led by a sexy, impulsive Badass, her distant Geek twin sister, their bible-thumping, Jesus-loving Goody-Two-Shoes friend, and a chaotic, rock-star-Junkie pal, the group has to put aside their differences to dispose of the body before they’re next. Thrown into their own personal purgatory, they face off against persistent police, a sleazy motel manager, chainsaw-wielding triads, and a brutal serial killer. All the while they are followed by a mysterious Cowboy Pimp who wants to claim the corpse for his own. Will they uncover the truth behind the body and be able to stand up to their demons? Buckle up and get ready for the ride of your life filled with gun fights, extreme violence, blood, guts, gore, and goats.
Dead Hooker In A Trunk is the unexpected first feature film written, directed, and produced by identical twin sisters, Jen and Sylvia Soska. The two newcomers created an impossible film that is an underground sensation, destined to become a cult classic and will make you fall in love with films again!
2. Nude Nuns with Big Guns
Upon taking her vows to become a nun, Sister Sarah is abused, brainwashed and drugged into submission by the corrupt clergy. On the verge of death from a lethal dose of drugs, Sister Sarah receives a message from GOD telling her to take vengeance on all those who did her wrong. Armed with God’s will and an arsenal of big guns, she dispenses Judgment Day on her former tormentors. When the church hires the merciless motorcycle gang the “Los Muertos” to track down and kill her they soon realize that this SISTER IS ONE BAD MOTHER.
1. Strip Club Slasher
A seedy, small-town strip joint takes a down-and-dirty donkey punch to the back of the head when one of the girls is brutally murdered. Fearing that the killer may be targeting the local talent, the authorities shut the place down while they investigate the crime. Sad and scared, the other girls decide to spend the weekend together to reflect on the loss of their friend and to keep each other safe.
Rock Hard \m/
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