Well, metalheads. The day is finally here for you to don your favorite black band shirt, your patched up jean jacket, your tight jeans, and your high-tops… oh, wait, that would be 1986! Actually, it’s not all that different, and it changes nothing since it is finally the kickass weekend to thrash like motherfucking maniac. That’s right, Heavy Montreal 2014 is finally here.
One- and two-day tickets are still available, and if you still haven’t gotten them because your lame ass is still undecided, you need to man up and get them. Have you seen the damn lineup? It’s pretty kickass. And if you go on both days, you’ll get to see three-quarters of the Big 4 (if you went to Amnesia Rockfest 2014, where Megadeth played, that means you’ll have essentially seen the Big 4 this summer).
Saturday, August 9th
Things kick off with Monster Truck and Eagle Tears at 12:30. At 1:10, you should probably head over to the Heavy Stage to catch Babymetal — yes, thegirl band combining pop with metal. It’s weird, but you probably don’t want to miss it. Reports from Sonisphere are saying that they put on a hell of a performance.
After Babymetal, thrash metal legend Overkill takes over at 1:50. This is one of those bands that seems to just get better with age, so whether you’re an old-school hesher or a wet-behind-the-ears screamo fan, you need to check these guys out. They never once sold out.
At this point, your choices will matter because there are going to be some performance overlaps. For my dollar, Municipal Waste is the act to see at 2:30. Then the Internet sensation from Brooklyn, Unlocking the Truth at 3:15. Whitechapel hits the Apocalypse Stage at 3:45, and while they’re still performing Three Days Grace starts playing at 4:00 on the Heavy Stage — how you want to play that one out is entirely up to you.
There’s some good shit to see after Three Days Grace, but it’s also a good chance to take a breather, take some time to hydrate and fuel up with some food, take in some Heavy Mania, or sit in the shade under a tree. You’re gonna need the repose to get energized for Anthrax at 6:15.
Personally, I don’t understand why The Offspring hits the stage at 7:15 and Madball goes on at 7:30. In my opinion, it’s the same fans who’d want to see both acts perform. Take your pick.
After that you can go home… haha, just kidding. You probably don’t want to miss the headliner. Metallica, a coveted band for Heavy Montreal for many years, is finally going grace the event with their gigantic presence. Taking over the whole venue at 8:15, arguably the biggest band in will play through till 10:35. That’s a helluva long time.
No you can go home, sleep off your hangover, and rejuvenate for the next day.
Sunday, August 10th
Same time, same place, different bands. Getting things started at 12:30 are Bat Sabbath and Beheading of a King. Grimskunk plays a 30-minute set, starting at 1:00. Then it’s time for some kick-ass, old-school thrash metal from Death Angel at 1:30! Ultra Violence! Get in the pit, motherfuckers! Oh, but shit, Nashville Pussy gets nasty 15 minutes before the end of Death Angel’s set, damn it. And what the fuck is a metalhead to do now, Exodus starts playing 15 minutes after Nashville Pussy gets wet.
Well, after all that frustration, it’ll be time to soothe your sweat-drenched and bloody soul with some symphonic metal from Epica and the gorgeous Simone Simons at 3:00, followed to the minute by Symphony X.
Then it’s time to feel sorry for We Came as Romans who have the exact same set time as Body Count. Yeah, you don’t want to miss Ice-T and Ernie C. I love my KKK bitch, mutha fuck her dear old dad. I don’t think it can match Body Count’s intensity, even if Jamey Jasta appears on Manslaughter, but Hatebreed follows. I like Hatebreed, and find some of their lyrics powerfully inspirational, I just don’t think the controversial shock appeal that Body Count has is quite there, although similarities in musical styles can be found.
At some point during Hatebreed’s set you might get thirsty, which means you should head over to check out Alestorm. Yes, grab a beer or two on the way!
After that, I suggest you take a break because from here on out it’s going to be a long rest of the day/night. At 7:00 Twisted Sister will burn in hell followed by Lamb of God at 8:00 and closing out the day, and Heavy Montreal, is Slayer at 9:15.
So, is that enough heavy metal for you?
Rock Hard \m/