On-Air With Brian: Radio People Are A Funny Lot – Sometimes

brian and jean
Along with the stuff I’ve learned on my journey through radio, here’s some funny shit that’s happened on the way (it’s only funny now ’cause hindsight is 20/20).

1. I said “fuck” on air once. This is amazing if you know me personally ‘cause I swear – a lot. I was working at B106.3 in my hometown of Nashua, NH, and doing a Sunday afternoon shift. The Patriots had just lost. It was pouring rain and I got soaked on my way into work. The studio was a disaster thanks to the guy who was on-air before me. I crack the mic: ”What a crappy day. The Pats lost and it’s raining. This fucking sucks… ah… umm… B106! Here’s some Brittney Spears.” Luckily, I only got one phone call about it from some random lady who was probably the only person listening at the time (B106 sucked donkey balls BTW).

2. The Drumstick Incident. I had a picture of this for a long time, but I lost it somewhere along the way. I was working for Rock 101 in Manchester, NH, about 10 to 11 years ago. We were giving away a Jet Ski one year… towed it around all summer to random places, qualified people daily, had a big party at the end to give it away. The final giveaway was held at a seafood restaurant in a huge circus-size tent in the back parking lot. Band, beer, food, the whole nine. After the band took a break, I grabbed the mic and was talking about the key giveaways when some random drunk dude came up yelling about wanting a key (to the Jet Ski); I looked down and saw a drumstick on the ground. I told him that if he came up on stage and jammed it in his ass, I’d give him a key. Needless to say, he obliged. *sooooo fired.

brian simpson3. I’ll show you Bad Santa. This one happened just a few years ago at a company party. I was dressed as “Bad Santa” and we encouraged people to sit on my lap to get the “Secret Password.” Then they listen the next morning for the password, be the correct caller, and win some kind of cool prize. After about seven big beers (we’re talking 32 oz), I found myself backstage, in my Santa suit. The headliners at this party were an ‘80s tribute band and they happened to be on break. Bad Santa said, “Hey, you know what would be cool? If you guys played ‘Ice, Ice Baby’ and I came out and sang with you.” For some reason they thought it was a good idea too. Bad Santa got onstage, forgot the words to “Ice, Ice Baby” and decided that screaming “FUCKING ICE, ICE BABY” into the mic would be a good idea. *wasn’t. The next day at work, I’d completely forgotten about my stellar performance. Luckily, there were plenty of people at work who were happy to remind me. The funny part of the story is that after the show, the station’s sales manager was paying the band and they actually asked him: “Is that guy in the Santa Suit going to get fired?” *didn’t. But definitely learned my lesson.

I love the random nature of radio – shit just goes crazy sometimes. I’ve had real jobs. Done manual labor. I was a garbage man. Worked in retail. Worked on cars, managed a gas station, cooked in numerous restaurants and none of them had what radio has. I have an outlet to unleash all of the random crap that’s stuck in my head. And though it’s not always easy, radio on its worst day is still worth it.

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