I’m so excited about Dawn of the Planet of the Apes, so much so that the rest of the world seems to have collectively become an uninterested girlfriend of mine. No one can match my fervor for it, which leaves everyone else saying “Yeah, that’s great, honey. Really, it is. Now lower your voice a little bit. People are actually trying to have fun at this bar.”
I’ve been wondering how many people are left on earth by the time Dawn rolls around, and this teaser gives us a glimpse into that. And to answer my own question: not many. Humans are seemingly being outnumbered and outfought, and whilewas sort of a story about science gone awry, Dawn looks apocalyptic. I mean, look at how well they’re riding horses! I can’t ride a horse nearly as well as that. We’re fucked. I give up. Make my death quick, apes.
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes surpasses mankind as the dominant form of life on the planet in theaters on July 11th, 2014. And let’s be real. It was either that, or I write “swings into theaters” again. You’ll thank me for my dedication later.