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TapouT Clothing Banned For The Military, Or: Dr. James Miller Is A Dick

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Credit: Amazon.com

It’s true, the Department of Defense (DoD) has banned military personnel from wearing the popular MMA clothing brand, TapouT. This policy was enacted under the recommendation of Dr. James Miller, Principal Deputy Under Secretary of Defense for Policy.

As a former soldier, I understand the need for operational security (OPSEC), and get that when you enter the military you basically rescind your civil rights. This ban on TapouT gear (which includes everything from T-shirts to hats to accessories) in overseas locations might make sense for OPSEC, because you don’t want to alert the locals or potential terrorists that there may be a large military presence nearby. But, come on now, banning the gear for personnel stationed Stateside for fear of revealing a major base? All anyone has to do is look at a fucking map.

And OPSEC is the official reason Dr. James Miller is giving for this ban, citing an informal study that revealed 84% of those wearing TapouT clothing (near a military base) were off-duty active-duty military personnel. OK, official reason, good, right? Not. If that’s all it were, this article would be finished. No, Dr. James Miller is a biased dick with some kind of vendetta or score to settle. Maybe mommy didn’t give him enough attention. Maybe he got his ass kicked throughout high school. Maybe he feels his MMA skills are underappreciated.

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Whatever his ulterior motives might be, his not-so-subtle subtext is uncalled for. Let me provide some Dr. James Miller quotes, and a brief comment after each:

“Even though TapouT gear is incredibly tacky, that’s not what this is about. Admittedly, as a mixed martial arts enthusiast, I take personal issue with fat soldiers walking around with ‘TapouT’ on their chest, when they can’t skip rope for five minutes, let alone step in a locked cage against a trained fighter. And to me, whether you’re fat or fit, if you don’t know the difference between an omoplata and a gogoplata, then you just look like a jerk in a TapouT shirt.”

So, basically, if you can’t perform what you’re interested in, you can’t show your fandom. Iron Maiden T-shirt? Take it off if you can’t play scale. NFL shirt? Take it off if you can’t run the 40 in 4 or screen block.

”[TapouT clothing] could give the enemy a big-picture idea of how many military personnel are in an area, where they go in their off time, and what kind of asinine garbage they spend their money on. Basically, if I go to a movie theater and see a bunch of TapouT shirts, I know two things: one, there must be a base nearby, and two, with all these posers around, I’m probably the best fighter there, pound for pound.

Ooooo, I’m really scared. There’s a Peck here with an acorn pointed at me.

When citing the data from the informal study:

”The working group’s data indicates that 1% of the people interviewed were civilian mixed martial artists, 15% were local douchebags, and 84% were active duty military.”

OK, we’re not sure if Dr. James Miller actually said that or if it was the journalist, but it sounds like him.

”I went to a mall outside of Joint Base Lewis-McChord on a Friday night and thought I was in the middle of a UFC Fan Expo. And I’m willing to bet dollars to donuts that not one of those guys could throw a switch kick, or counter a basic double leg, or maintain an appropriate range against a fighter with a reach advantage. Also, don’t forget the OPSEC.”

See, OPSEC is secondary in this guys mind.

As I was reading the original article, I couldn’t help but think that there are other OPSEC concerns that could be pointed to as well. But, Miller was ahead of me on that. According to the article:

”Miller said that the working group will be sent out to identify other possible OPSEC concerns, such as skin-tight Under Armour workout shirts worn at bars and restaurants, high-and-tight haircuts, and civilian wives so overweight they make the passenger side of the couple’s Honda Civic dip when they get in.”

Classy. Just classy. So classy, in fact, that I want to be just like Dr. James Miller when I grow up.

Rock Hard \m/ – and love your Service members.

24 thoughts on “TapouT Clothing Banned For The Military, Or: Dr. James Miller Is A Dick”

    1. The source of this information is The Duffel Blog – A Military New SATIRE site. It’s like the Onion for the Military…

  1. well fuck me sideways, there goes my whole libo attire, im gonna be jerking off and eating dominos now

    1. It’s like a personal attack, what’s next my Ed Hardy shirts? I mean are they going to give me an extra clothing allowance to buy something else? I heard Affliction shirts make you look tough too, I’ll look into those.

  2. Is yellmag retarded? Anything coming from the duffel is fake. I won’t go so far as to call that junk satire because that implies humor.

    1. Maybe the duffel blog got it from somewhere else but this is true. Ask anybody in the 12th Air Force who just got the news from the commander.

  3. Holy fu*k this shit had me rolling. PLEASE, PLEASE ban fat soldiers in skin-tight under armour t-shirts ANYWHERE!!!

  4. The Duffel Blog story was satire, yes, but they were parodying the real-life situation. My friend is in the Marine Corps and just got in trouble for wearing a Tapout shirt. It’s true guys.

  5. I saw 5 people at the mall who got caught by MP’s. They had to turn their shirts inside out.

  6. Thank goodness this rag isn’t call “think” because you obviously don’t! TDB is satire. Nice job Einstein…

    1. Well maybe the outlet is satirical but the story is for real. The fact that the national inquirer is a tabloid dosen’t make Batboy less real.

        1. Although I don’t share Kipperz’ esteem for the National Enquirer. You are the retard Chucky. Do some research on the story, it’s true.

  7. Bahahahaha. I hope the author is able to laugh at himself for the mistake he just made. What’s next? Going to rip on a story from the Onion??

  8. They cant ban Tap out stuff! That has to be unconstitution! What About the 1 Ammendment! Freedom of Expression! This is what you get with a muslim kenyan in office!

  9. I cannot believe the ignorance is so deep that this article has spread from the satirical journal it came from to another website. How could you possibly read that article and not comprehend the fact that the story is a joke. The stories in the duffelblog are great and provide laughter, but I guess the parodies hit too close to home for some people. If you took this article seriously and are in or were in the military, you are the idiot I would not hang out with.

  10. Evil Argento here… I realize that by addressing everyone here that I’m totally opening myself up for some abuse. Bring it on, I have thick skin… and apparently a thick head. Being unfamiliar with DuffleBlog I had no idea what the site was about, and in hindsight should have read the about page. Honestly, I thought the article was ridiculous, both in its content and tone, but being Mr. Gullible, I took it for what it was. In the future I will be practicing more prudence. Thanks for understanding, and unleash your contempt for me now!

    1. Hey Evil. Very cool to comment and give people the opportunity to come at you. The truth is many stories in duffelblog get confused for serious stories because they are so close to things that actually happen. A recent article covered the “emotional breakdown of an officer’s spouse who was not saluted driving on base.” I would not be surprised if there are Company Commanders out there giving liberty briefs telling their troops that Tap Out gear is banned.

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