The most recent failed report we heard about on this cursed project was that Patrick Lussier had confirmed to direct the Hellraiser reboot from a script by Todd Farmer. This duo has previously worked together on the remake of My Bloody Valentine, Drive Angry , and are now focused on Halloween III.

Since there have been numerous proposals made, including these new ones by visionary and concept artists Paul Gerrard (Battle: Los Angeles) for a pitch by filmmaker Mike Le Han (a multi-award winning English writer/director), the only thing left to do is wait to see if this pitch gets accepted by the Weinsteins.

If more news unfolds on the Hellraiser Reboot, we will be sure to keep you updated on Yell! Magazine. In the meantime, enjoy and share this page with your friends!

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Hellraiser TV Series

Greetings! It is I, Daniel Dockery, of the far future. The sounds that you currently hear are hover crafts, built by Toyotobishi, zipping past million-floor skyscrapers. That smell is the single pill that we take that covers all nutritional value in a day. That woman you see, sleeping peacefully behind me in my space bed? Your current girlfriend.

Just kidding. I’m not from the far future. If I was, all you’d actually hear is me screaming “Robots! Aaggghhhhhhh! Robots!” into a rusty microphone. But, until we can switch our dishwasher’s settings from “Warm Dry” to “Murder Family,” we shouldn’t really worry about what is going to happen in the year One Million. How about the year Now, or the year 2013? Those seem much more manageable.

Television and horror are the two most important things in my life right now. When you combine the two, you can get something so awesome that it rules, or so awesome that it comes back around and sucks. Right now, we have shows like The Walking Dead, American Horror Story, True Blood, Being Human, Teen Wolf, and The Vampire Diaries all getting good ratings (or at least ratings good enough to warrant multiple seasons), and there are many more horror or at least horror-themed TV shows in the pipeline.

In this article, I’ll explore the shows that I’ve mentioned above, as well as the horror TV shows that will soon, hopefully, lean more toward the first half of the formula I stated in the second sentence of the previous paragraph, rather than the second half.

The Present:

The Walking Dead

The Walking Dead

The Walking Dead, adapted from the hit comic series by Robert Kirkman, has been a powerhouse, netting AMC record ratings and becoming a cultural phenomenon. I usually hesitate to call something a “cultural phenomenon,” but when that many memes are created about a single TV show, you know that it’s something important. The Walking Dead is a special case, as it draws both from its creative team’s own ideas as well as story lines and characters from the comics. Thus, it has roped in not only a television fan base, but the pre-existing comic fan base as well.

This horror show works great in a television format because it sticks to Kirkman’s original idea of it being an ongoing tale, rather than a finite short story, and the focus on human drama helps it to continue, since a viewer can only watch so many arrows to the head before they get bored. (Did I just write that?) With Season 3 currently being produced, one that will introduce not only the sword-wielding fan favorite from the comics, Michonne, but the sadistic big bad, The Governor, too. Hopes are high that it will continue to ride the wave of success.

While the show is often criticized for its pacing and sometimes spotty character development, (in particular, Lori Grimes, whose dialogue on the page seems to be “SCREEEEEEECH! WHERE’S CARL? SCREEEEEECH!”), it has more than enough bad-ass moments to keep audiences hooked. Also, have you seen Merle Dixon with that steampunk-esque attachment to his forearm? Oh, jeez. Could Season 3 just be all about that?

American Horror Story

American Horror Story

If you were to ask the average person to describe the plot of the first season of American Horror Story, you’d actually only be asking them for permission to mop up their brains off the floor. I wouldn’t call the series confusing, but American Horror Story doesn’t really follow a traditional narrative arc. However, that hasn’t stopped it from being appreciated and ridiculously creepy at points. Not a lot of details have been spilled about Season 2 of this show, but if it plays out in a similar fashion as Season 1, I’ll probably be engaged by it, simply because I never know what to expect from it and I love its tone and general weirdness. And if it’s nothing like Season 1, well, all the better. I like a show that keeps me guessing.

Being Human

Being Human (US)

I’ve been a fan of the original Being Human on BBC for a few years now, and while I think it definitely has the edge on the SyFy series (the six episode British series allow for a more succinct, focused plot line than the American version), it’s definitely a fun show when it starts to head in the right direction. While Season 1 had a few missteps, mainly dealing with plot lines that were unnecessary or simply unfulfilling, it has a great cast and has been steadily improving.

True Blood and The Vampire Diaries

True Blood

While some would argue that these two shows, as well as the one following this section, aren’t necessarily horror, they do have roots in it. Some call True Blood “a show for people too old for Twilight,” but those people just don’t appreciate gore and vampire sex like they should. True Blood is erotic, violent, and entertaining – and it’s been a pretty strong part of the HBO line-up for the past few years. While it’s an adaptation of the book series by Charlaine Harris, the show has taken on a life of its own. While True Blood has a fairly uncertain future following its upcoming fifth season, it has left a distinct impact in being both a supreme piece of guilty-pleasure entertainment and a legitimately good story.

The Vampire Diaries

The Vampire Diaries, while not having the same kind of leeway in terms of what it can get away with, being that its broadcast on The CW, has proven to be relatively compelling as well. Created by Kevin Williamson, writer of Scream and I Know What You Did Last Summer, the show tells a good story and never becomes the program that we all feared it would be, namely Twilight: TV. Just saying that gave me a nosebleed.

Teen Wolf

Teen Wolf

Based on the iconic ’80s film of the same name, Teen Wolf has been a success for MTV. The reviews have been generally positive, and the tone of the series has been praised. Rather than try to emulate the charm of the original film, but still maintain homage, the series takes a dramatic turn. It deals with dark humor sometimes, but for the most part it’s a fairly serious show. This is a good formula, as a comedic series based completely on a kid with werewolf powers achieving success in high school would have grown tiresome after a bit.

The following is an example of what Teen Wolf could have been:

Episode 1: Scott tries out for the basketball team. Hilarity ensues.

Episode 2: Scott learns that, in werewolf form, he dances better. Prom’s tomorrow! Hilarity ensues.

Episode 3: Scott’s dog runs away. Will Scott use his werewolf powers to track him down? Also, Scott buys a razor. Hilarity ensues.

Yeah, I’ll take the series we have.

Now find out what the future holds for horror on TV after the jump…

Yell! Magazine's: The Top 10 Fictional Weapons

If you’re going to kill someone, you might as well do it with some degree of flourish. Everybody can shoot a gun or throw a punch, but it takes a special kind of man to wield a blade of pure plasma energy wrapped in a containment field. That’s a lightsaber, for all you non-geeks. Oh yes, you can see where this is going. Gird yourselves, readers, and watch out for low-flying Frisbees of death that will leave your neck stump a pulpy, gushing blood geyser… it’s about to get deadly up in here!

No.10 Vibrating Stake

You know it’s going to be a bitchin’ list when the number 10 spot is occupied by a weaponized sex toy. Featured in the Quentin Tarantino/Robert Rodriguez collaboration From Dusk Till Dawn, this baby is not only a fully-operational vampire stabber, but it’s also customized for maximum penetration. Well, not really. In fact, that was a disgusting image. Go clean out your frontal lobes. Seriously, I’m not proud of that one and my mom reads these things.

So, George Clooney and Co. stop at this on-the-border titty bar only to find out it’s main act features vampires and even more vampires. Also, a nearly nude Salma Hayek. So it’s a real good-news/bad-news type situation. In any case, Clooney does what any potential vampire snack should do and arms himself with a wooden stake. But, not satisfied with its lethal quotient, he then MacGyver’s the shit out of that thing by shoving it down a pneumatic sex toy… thing… whose actual name I’m sure readers will point out eventually… and goes to town on several dozen bloodsuckers.

If you haven’t seen this movie, let me remind you that this entry contains the words “sex toy,” “Salma Hayek,” and “vampires.” Seriously, why aren’t you out renting it yet?

NOT ribbed for her pleasure.

No.9 The Glaive

For all of you uncool people out there wondering what the heck a “Glaive” is and whether or not you can smoke it, brace yourself for some enlightenment. The Glaive is Prince Colwyn’s weapon from the 1983 fantasy classic, Krull. Shaped like a starfish, only jewel encrusted and with spiky bits on each arm, the Glaive can be thrown like a Frisbee, will spin around the room decapitating foes willy-nilly and will always faithfully return to its owners hand, presumably (and preferably) without severing said owner’s fingers.

The only reason the Glaive isn’t higher on this list is because of the general population’s lack of knowledge concerning the movie Krull. Sure, it’s one step above an abstract concept like the Force, but you mention Krull to any random person on the street and they’ll give you a funny look. Also, some spare change depending on how scruffy and/or crazed you look that day. I always end up getting about a buck fifty. But still, it’s an awesome weapon that deserves to be on the list.

Bonus points: in the immortal words of A Christmas Story, there’s a good chance you’ll “put your eye out with that!”

“And this guy doesn’t have that many to spare.”

No.8 The Lawgiver

If there’s one, bright shining spot in Sylvester Stallone’s 1995 magnum opus Judge Dredd it’s this drool-worthy piece of hardware. Capable of being fired full-auto, single-shot or at ludicrous rapid-fire, the main weapon of Mega-City’s police force, the Judges, is also able to fire off flares, rockets, ricochets rounds, and a heat-seeking partridge in a pear tree. Ok, probably not that last one, but can you imagine?

As a bonus feature, it’s also seemingly capable of being fired non-stop for extended periods of time without reloading. Granted, that’s true of most movie guns, but it’s like the Lawgiver took a peek at the firing time of all other guns in existence, went “Pussies!” and kept on spitting bullets for several hours just out of sheer spite. With all of its firing options, it’s a wonder the Lawgiver doesn’t just shoot other, smaller guns at its targets. Seriously, look at the size of it, it’s like two huge guns had sex and nine months later this thing came out.

Even Stallone thinks this is overcompensating for something.

No.7 Lemarchand’s Box, aka The Lament Configuation

There are very few items in this world that are horrifying enough to qualify as a gateway to Hell. There’s the Holland tunnel, which leads unfortunate souls to the land of the dead known as Jersey. There’s the entirety of Florida, which seems to be nothing but a place for the nearly dead to live out their days in a sort of celestial holding pattern. But in the world of fiction, specifically the Hellraiser universe created by author Clive Barker, gateways to Hell are common and numerous, but none are as famous as… the Box.

First introduced in Barker’s 1986 novella The Hellbound Heart, The Lament Configuration pictured above is only one of many puzzle boxes created by Phillip LeMarchand, an 18^th century French toymaker. Infused with dark magic, LeMarchand’s boxes are specifically designed to appeal to the darkest desires that reside inside the human heart. Once an unlucky victim comes into possession of a box, it begins to taunt him (or her, demons don’t discriminate) with promises of endless pleasure… to be obtained once the owner figures out how to activate the item’s enchantments.

But there’s a catch. Isn’t there always when dealing with dark forces? To paraphrase the Marquis DeSade: “Pain can be as good as pleasure if properly applied.” Unlocking the box brings forth the servants of the great God Leviathan: Cenobites, and they WILL tear your soul apart, they’ll rip into your flesh until you LOVE it.

Beware the box! If you open it, the Cenobites have “such sights to show you…”

No.6 Killer Klowns’ Cotton-Candy Gun

It ain’t sugar and spice and everything nice in there.

Clowns are scary.

Actually, let me rephrase that: clowns scare the living fecal matter out of me. Even when I was a kid, I knew there was something odd about a grown man slapping on a costume and enticing kids to come sit on his lap. Or am I thinking of Santa? I have issues with that bastard too. Anyway, even without any special accoutrements, clowns are Satan’s own harlequins. But you throw in some weaponry and we’re talking a whole new level of fill your pants, go home crying to momma, years in therapy kinda of fear here. Enter: The Killer Klowns From Outer Space.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

A little known cult movie from 1988, Killer Klowns features a bunch of alien… clowns, that have come to Earth because they crave the taste of human blood. No, really. Their whole stichk is to use their advanced, alien weaponry to cocoon their hapless victims inside gigantic, pink cotton candy casings. And if that’s not humiliating enough, they’ll then stab you with a ridiculously oversize Krazy Straw and suck your blood out!

Before moving on to the next item on this list, let me leave you with a guaranteed nightmare for tonight:

You’re welcome!

Find out which fictional weapon ranked number 1 on the next page…

Since the Hellraiser reboot was either dropped or postponed, and a poor attempt at reimagining Pinhead was created for Hellraiser: Revelations, just so that The Weinstein Company could hold onto the rights, fans of the Hellraiser franchise should be pleased with this announcement, and should hail to Pinhead for his success at remaining immortal.

Television is definitely going straight to hell!

Hellraiser: The TV Series

Halloween 2011 - Yell! Magazine Editors Picks

We here at Yell! Magazine watch horror movies throughout the year, but if there is any time of the year that everybody should watch a blood-curdling, stomach-churning, nightmare-inducing film, it’s on Halloween. Even if you aren’t a horror fan, you have no damn excuse. The great thing about horror movies on Halloween is that they’re just as perfect for those who are in alone as they are for those at a party, in which case they can be watched as a group or just kinda on in the background.

We’ve taken it upon ourselves to make a collective list of our staff’s favorite movies to watch on Halloween. Sit back, reminisce with us, enjoy, maybe learn something, and, above all, get scared.

Yell! Magazine’s Halloween Movie Staff Picks

Jamie Lee’s Picks

The Ring (2002)

It’s very rare that I actually enjoy the American remake of a Japanese remake… well, at all — but let alone like I do The Ring.

The Ring is one of the most fresh “recent” horror films that I’ve seen. Everything about this movie is pure win. Dare I say, pure genius? I didn’t watch this at a Halloween party, but I did watch it at my 18th birthday party with a group of burly young men that were twice my size. At least one of them started shaking during it. The rest of them kept denying being scared. Methinks the men protested too much.

The Ring is a wonderful film that leaves you anxious for more, but so dread-filled that you’re glad it’s over at the same time. This movie is full of sinister yet subtle scares that prey upon your mind. This is an almost threatening movie in the sense that it will make you seriously paranoid. There are few things less frightening than creepy children, specifically when those creepy children are as nasty and spiteful as Samara Morgan. The words “seven days” have been known to still cause a few shudders even nine years after the film’s release. Now that’s an accomplishment in the world of horror.

Show this movie to a friend of yours who claims not to scare easily; I guarantee it’s worth your while.

The Ring (2002) Trailer

Hellraiser (1987)

I’m supposed to sum up how much I love Hellraiser and why it’s a great movie for Halloween, in less than 300 words. I’m a huge Clive Barker fan and this is really his seminal work, movie or literature-wise. You would never expect to be able to bring a story like The Hellbound Heart to screen, but it’s done here rather admirably. Even the master of horror himself, Stephen King said, “I have seen the future of horror and his name is Clive Barker.” Barker’s evil genius is made all the more tantalizing on celluloid.

The Cenobites are as gruesome and bone-chilling as you’d expect them to be, and people fucking love it. This movie is best viewed with a drinking game. Like, every time Pinhead scares the shit out of you? Take a shot. (Yell! Magazine does not take any responsibility for any deaths by alcohol poisoning.) Or everytime there’s a boatload of mindbending gore? Take a shot. Yeah, you’ll be trashed by the time that the movie is over, but it’ll make for a memorable night. Make sure to invite squeamish friends to a special viewing of this movie. That’ll make it a night you’ll really never forget, especially when you see the puke stains in your carpet.

Hellraiser (1987) Trailer

Check out Evil Argento’s picks after the jump…

Víctor García is the man behind the direction of such films as Return to House on Haunted Hill, Mirrors 2, and an amazing horror short called El ciclo. I say “amazing” because when I first saw the El ciclo short a few years ago it blew my mind in terms of story telling, cinematography, and especially the makeup effects. Overall, it was simple, and perfectly executed even if it only lasted less than nine minutes.

At that time, I have never heard of the director, and I started doing some research on his background, and discovered rumors of him being picked up to direct a Hellraiser sequel. In the back of mind, after watching El ciclo, I figured this could be the right person to make another great addition to the sadomasochistic franchise that we all love, and that made Pinhead the dominate Cenobite (Doug Bradley) a horror icon from the ’80s along side Freddy Krueger, Jason Voorhees, and Michael Myers.

The pictures, the official trailer, and a pissed off Clive Barker…

When the pictures for Hellraiser: Revelations started to spread like wildfire, and a glimpse of a new Pinhead (played by Stephan Smith Collins) emerged, it was official that Doug Bradley was out. Horror fans where shocked, giving instant negative reaction to all of the circulating pictures, specifically of Pinhead. This was of no surprise to me; Doug Bradley is Pinhead, burned in our minds as well as Clive Barker’s — he’s not replaceable yet.

The same thing happened with the remake of A Nightmare on Elm Street when Jackie Earle Haley took on the role of Freddy Krueger. But with time, the new Freddy seemed to have slowly soaked in with some of us, and has gained some new fans along the way. Jeez! Even the new Freddy is available as a downloadable character in Mortal Kombat.

The official trailer for Hellraiser: Revelations was released online a few days ago, and I can say it hasn’t helped at all in terms of building some positive hype for the film. In fact, the trailer has opened up a whole new spree of negative comments regarding Pinhead, Pinhead’s voice, the acting, and makeup effects. Even Clive Barker is pissed off that his twitter followers are mistaking it for a film made by him, and here is what he had to say via twitter some hours ago:

“Hello, my friends. I want to put on record that the flic out there using the word Hellraiser IS NO FUCKIN’ CHILD OF MINE! I have NOTHING to do with the fuckin’ thing. If they claim its from the mind of Clive Barker, it’s a lie. It’s not even from my butt-hole.”

Too bad people are associating this film with Clive Barker, despite the trailer clearly saying that Hellraiser: Revelations was “Inspired by Clive Barker’s horror classic.”

Maybe Dimension Extreme should reevaluate the release of this film, and make it clear to everyone what it is before making completes fool of themselves, and destroying Víctor García’s career. If the mastermind of Hellraiser doesn’t want any association with it, then something is clearly wrong here.

Hellraiser: Revelations will be available in limited theaters, and VOD September 1, 2011.

Hellraiser: Revelations – The Plot

Pinhead is back and in his chamber of soulless delights, he thought he had two willing participants in Steven and Nico. But Nico wants out and decides that a member of Steven’s family will serve as proper barter.

There is still not much info pertaining to Clive Barker’s reimagining/remaking of his historic Hellraiser film (1987). Rumors run amok through Internet circles about the film with the most frightening of them all being the producers’ wish to aim for a PG-13 rating to get the younger crowd watching. If this happens, the franchise will lose its original fans who have been watching the original and its sequels for years.

What we do know is that Patrick Lussier will be directing the Todd Farmer-penned script. The two worked on the action/horror flick Drive Angry 3D, which is due to be released within days of this article’s publication, and the upcoming Halloween III, which is due out later this year. The film will also be shot in 3-D.

Are you getting the feeling Barker and the Hellraiser franchise are moving in a new direction for this film, and doing it in a manner to attract a new crowd of fans, but in doing so is alienating the old? All this is just speculation and we hope Barker is successful in his new project. In fact, we at Yell! Magazine are excited as hell to see the film since we fell in love with the Cenobites back when we saw Hellraiser for the first time as kids. Just thinking about them freaks us out a liitle even now.

If you are new to the franchise or if you’re big fans of the Cenobites like we are, we present the creatures in their full glory below. We created an infographic that should familiarize everyone with the creatures you will be seeing if Barker’s new version is similar to its original. Feel free to tell us what you think in the comments section at the bottom of the page.

Rock Hard!

Hellraiser: Cenobites Infograph