The General Journals: Diary of a Frontman… and Other Ramblings is a place where Machine Head‘s Robb Flynn disposes his thoughts on a variety of topics. This one, about Avenged Sevenfold caught my particular attention. While I don’t share Flynn’s “appreciation” for Avenged Sevenfold, I did share a laugh at their expense because of him. And while Flynn’s zingers are in good fun, the mean-spirited dickhead in me likes to take them as they are… true, because I don’t like A7X.
So, without further ado, here are The General Journals:
Congratulations to Avenged Sevenfold on their latest “covers album” coming in at #1, who knew that re-recording Megadeth songs could be such a worldwide hit!!?? Ba-dap Psssssss!!, Guns N Roses, and
I’m on fire!!
In case you’ve been living under a, Avenged came in at #1 in multiple countries throughout the world. I’m happy for them. Good band. And while I like the new record, and really dug the last record Nightmare, hopefully we’re all coming down from our post-orgasmic #1-album-bliss, because it’s time to call a spade a spade!! It’s time to poke a little fun at A7X, ’cause there’s some blatant jackery goin’ on there, wiggas!!
So here are my top 10 jokes about the new Avenged Sevenfold record:
10) Avenged Sevenfold – “Now with even MORE Metallica.”
9) Avenged Sevenfold to change name to “Sad But Two.” — Number of “spurting penises” drawn on Avenged logos suddenly skyrockets.
7) Eyeliner sales skyrocket as thousands of heartbroken goth girls realize “Hail To The King” is actually “that ugly AC/DC band’s song ‘Thunderstruck.'”
6) After hearing “Heretic,” Dave Mustaine flips out, blames Obama, Metallica, and UFO’s for A7X stealing “Symphony Of Destruction.”
5) After seeing how much success the band Bush had stealing other band names for song titles, A7X decided to steal “In Flames” for latest chorus. Future chorus lyrics include “Tri-vi-um” and “Kill-switch En-gage.”
4) Upon hearing the latest album, Lars Ulrich goes all gangsta, breaks bottle of Dom Perignon on M. Shadows’ head, while his 11-ft girlfriend put Shadows in headlock, as he screams in Shadows face, “You’re gonna rip off St. Anger next right, HUH? You’re gonna rip off St. Anger NEXT RIGHT? HUH, HUH, HUH!!”
3) “Black album” sales skyrocket as fans realize where new songs came from.
2) After hearing Avenged’s Guns N’ Roses cover “Doing Time,” Axl actually calls Slash, says, “Dude, What The Fuck?!”
1) And the #1 joke about the new Avenged Sevenfold album: Avenged Sevenfold release statement that they’re NOT ripping off Metallica, announce side project with Lou Reed.
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Rock Hard \m/