Some of the best movies are bad. And some of the bad movies are just fun. And some of the fun movies are just trips down nostalgia lane. All of the just mentioned is the case with Mega Python Vs. Gatoroid (2011). This made-for-TV film is a SyFy project that stars Debbie (aka, Deborah) Gibson and Tiffany. That’s right, two of the most popular mall rats to emerge from the ‘80s appeared in a movie together.
Does nearly 30 years make these ladies better actresses than singers? Fuck no! In fact, their singing makes them look like Juilliard graduates when compared to their acting chops. But their bad acting doesn’t make them any less fun to watch. Director Mary Lambert (Pet Sematary, Pet Sematary II, Urban Legends: Bloody Mary, Siesta) did well to capitalize on the old ‘80s rivalry of these two would-be starlets. Seriously, incorporating such lines as, “I think we’re alone now,” and “Only in your dreams” is the work of pure genius. And to have it culminate in an all-out catfight between the two is the work of pure pre-teen wet-dream fantasy.
“Ooo, somebody had bitch for breakfast.”
OK, Mega Python Vs. Gatoroid has more to offer than just one liners, but not much. Beneath the kitchy CGI, piss-poor (but fun) acting, and the simple premise of the made-for-TV film, there’s a not-so-subtle message that addresses animal rights and cruelty. How noble when mixed with Gibson’s ass and Tiffany’s cleavage. And what’s with an animal-rights activist driving a Charger GT? Aren’t these activist types supposed to be environmentalists too?
Perhaps the funniest, and unintentional bit of humor came during the scene (opening and again later) when CG snakes are being released into the wild… on freshly cut grass. Not to discredit Lambert, who was obviously working with a tight budget and actually did a great job in presenting something watchable, but how the fuck does one miss that? After 10 beers and a joint I don’t think I would miss that. It would be like missing a triple D stripper walking down the street naked.
“Take the stick while I load my gun!”
OK, that sounds distinctly like a KISS lyric, but it follows a ridiculously hilarious growth montage. See, Tiffany and her park ranger deputy feed testosterone-filled chickens to their gaters in order to give them a fighting chance against the mega pythons that the animal-loving Gibson freed from experimental testing.
Obviously, in a film titled Mega Python Vs. Gatoroid there’s going to be some battle scenes. You get those, and plenty of them, all featuring CG animals and blood. I suppose with a animal rights subplot the filmmakers didn’t have a choice. If they’d used real animals, well, here comes PETA. But, perhaps you were expecting one big python and one big gator? Uhh, that’s not happening here. What you do get is a Royal Rumble of sorts, some dynamite, and a whole lot of people shootin’ guns who shouldn’t be.
You’re right! This movie sucks and I’m not going to recommend it to anyone who won’t find something in it to appreciate, but I assure you that there is (if you’re a shitty-movie fan). Besides, what’s better than a Tiffany/Debbie Gibson fight? The only thing left for you to decide is who you’d rather… oh, never mind.