Man, why would you ever open a Jack-in-the-box? The entire basis of them is giving whatever child that received one from an Uncle (who perished in that mysterious house fire, but no corpse was ever found) an unpleasant experience. Handing one to any person is like saying, “Hey, everyone likes fun stuff, but you know something that people don’t like? This!” A Jack-in-the-box is made of plastic and the bones of the people who made them, because once they finished, being close to their creation forever was their ultimate reward.
And, for my last nitpick about toys meant to scare industrial-revolution-era children into believing creationism, what time period is Deliver Us From Evil set in? I’m sure, if it’s not the logical time period for Jack-in-the-boxes (between 1874 and 1919), the movie will give us an explanation for why this child has the most antiquated, boring playroom in the whole Bronx. “It was just in the attic. How weird?”
I’m kind of excited for what seems to be amovie about people infected with Satan. Kind of like a pseudo Prince of Darkness sequel. So there, embittered fans. You can now go into it thinking that it’s related to a John Carpenter classic. You’re welcome.
Deliver Us From Evil, or, as it’s known in social media, #DeliverUsFromEvil, hashtags into theaters on July 2, 2014.